How my startling panic attack gave me a powerful breakthrough

During final year of University I was working four jobs, going to the gym at least four times a week, cycling around 8 miles to and from university everyday, oh and trying to get the highest grades possible. :/

graduation
Photo Credit: TheOdysseyOnline

I was running myself into the ground.

I’m not sure why I took on so much, maybe I felt the final year urge to do everything I thought I should have been doing the whole 3 years of my degree.

But whatever the reason it wasn’t good for me.

On top of all the stuff I was doing, I was also trying to figure out those big questions you feel pressured to know at 21.

Like: what you’ll do after graduation; who you want to be; and what the thing with that guy really means.

I wanted to be able to do everything.

I felt like I needed to prove I could do that. That I could manage all of these things and still get good grades. I wanted to do it all and do it smoothly.

And I did manage to graduate with a good grade and oomph up my cv with a load of experience from my jobs. Butttttt … I also had a breakdown. A pretty big one.

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The art of reframing: what does “your calling” mean anyway?

Today I had a mini melt-down. It was a sneaky one. You know, a melt-down that pounces on you and makes you feel all down and you had no idea it was coming?

Jeff and I were just strolling back to work along the river after our lunch, and some of those big unexpected feelings just blurted out.

I was saying things I didn’t even know I felt or had been thinking about. Things like “I don’t know if I can do this” and “I need to find my thing, my calling.”

I was feeling out of control. Like someone had plucked me out of my bubble and plopped me down into chaos; I was completely disorientated.

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How I created my own stress funk, (and how I got out of it!)

 

About a month ago my husband and I moved to China. (Because people just decide things like that … and buy flights the same day).

We’re going to be foreign English teachers at this new training school which focuses on the Arts. And I’m so excited to start teaching again!

So fast forward (rewind?) to 2 weeks ago.

Our jobs were ready and our working visas in progress. The last hurdle was to find an apartment.

It’s worth mentioning that while we were house searching, we still weren’t entirely sure where our school would be.

Yep, you heard right. Our school was negotiating on a location, and we didn’t know where we’d actually be working.

So, two weeks ago …

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